4^th September 2011,

Ferndown Locomotive vs. Boscombe Celtic (away) League game

A new year, A new season, A new manager, new players and something else new…… a new loco scoring record!!!!

So the newly awaited season has finally arrived and what a start! Forget the English Premiership; Bournemouth Sunday League Division 3 is where it’s happening. With an impressive pre-season, fantastic training sessions and only a mere 21 players’ signed on things are looking promising for Loco which has been built from a strong backbone by previous manager Ali and the current committee.

The new manager Jimmy Redford chose his starting 16 for Loco’s first game of the season away to Boscombe Celtic @ Wingfields, Christchurch. In past seasons Boscombe Celtic have always had a bit of a bad reputation and I can’t think why? (I think the last comment should be followed by the annoying acronym of LOL that’s so often used in today’s youthful text messaging world.) The weather was looking grim but the team sheet was great and Jimmy’s starting 11 didn’t fail to impress. A strong back 5 resembling the solidness of Arsenal’s in the 90’s , an exciting and creative midfield; some comparing it to Barcelona’s currently fluidity style and possibly the league’s best forward line that’s bound to get goals, goals, goals. With quality on the bench and players to come back into the fold it’s no wonder Loco were comfortably in front by half time of what was always going to be an exciting, aggressive and eventful game.

GOAL: Loco kicked off the first half and it wasn’t long before Loco dominated from front to back and left to right. Already some surging runs from Jacko, strong tackles by Ayton was looking like a tasty partnership in the centre of the park and it wasn’t long before Jacko got Loco off the mark. Si ward took a poor free kick but it still managed to reach Jacko who punished the home team with the first goal, 1 nil

GOAL: It wasn’t long before the self proclaimed Keith “Macho Man” Jackson took his second; almost wrestling 3 players at one time whilst dribbling the ball and taking a shot across goal. Although the keeper looked like he could have got something on to it the ball bobbles over the keepers stretching body and hits the back of the net, 2 nil Loco.

Jimmy Redford already getting ideas of who to rest for Thursday’s game and only 15 minutes in; probably a bit early to discuss changes (said Cunny) and one of The Legion of Doom brother’s Bendy Haines looking as solid as ever in his (unself-proclaimed) best position; left back - flooring the right midfielder with a solid challenge. The game was fast paced in the first half and Loco’s new dimension of play was really taking shape not even giving the home team half a yard on the ball and the pressure was too much for them and the third goal was surely not too far behind. A somewhat frustrated Matty Groves still lived up to his lively reputation and with the new season barley kicked off he was already on his final warning and it will come to no surprise that he found his way into the referees book shortly after with a yellow card for Matty Groves for constant “chat back” resembling Harry Enfields character “Kevin” as everything is so unfair and I think they are both ginger if I remember rightly? The new Loco number 1 was brought into action once in the first when a surprise bit of possession from Celtic caught the away side off guard and they nearly scored had it not been for but Adam Woodland pulling off a good save putting the ball out for a corner which then came to nothing. Some sexy football by Aryton in front of goal that even Ruud Guilt would of been impressed, after he linked up with Ward and Groves.

GOAL: He then managed to call “nuts” on a player and then take his chance by bending his goal bound shot bottom right hand corner, 3 nil.

Very little to comment on in the first half except Loco are looking player for player alot better than them – Cunny and Jimmy commanding from the back, Bendy and Levi overlapping well, Chris and Johnny seem to be taking it round players for fun on the wing, Jacko and Aryton are box-to-box and Ward and Groves are linking up well up front.

HALF TIME

SUBSTITION: With Loco looking comfortable ahead already, Redford decided to take off Jacko who had been suffering from shin splints since about 1997 with Andy Smith replacing him in the centre of the park.

GOAL: The second half kicks off and with less than a minute gone Groves bags his first goal of the game, pressurising the centre back who makes a mistake and Groves takes advantage and goes pass the keeper for a tap in, 4 nil.

GOAL: Only two more minutes have passed and Groves gets his second and Loco’s 5^th! Big kick from Loco’s keeper and Groves managed to get on the end of it and races in to the 18 yard box with the ball and slots it bottom corner, comfortable lead now and looks like this could go into double figures 5 nil

John Haines is really starting to get involved in the game with some good runs down the right wing and getting some serious chalk on his boots but takes a whack for the team as his attempt to challenge an aerial ball, he takes a knock but manages to shrug it off. A precise long ball by a more confident Levi “roots” Copland is nearly met by Si Ward but the Celtic’s centre back powers through him with a strong challenging header taking Ward by surprise but not even Loco’s twiglet version of Berbatov could do to be fair. – Looks like some changes are going to made as there is movement on the bench

SUBSTITUTION: Chris is struggling with the knock he took in the face in the first half and its a straight swap for Mike

GOAL: Some more excellent play by Loco, stringing pass after pass making the home side look really poor now as the second half is nearly half way through and Johnny Haines turns Loco’s hard work with a well taken finish on the half volley and leathers it across goal destined for the bottom corner, keeper no chance, 6 nil.

SUBSTITUTION: Both top goal scorers are off, Matt G comes off before getting sent off and Rich oddly does the slowest lap of honour before coming on!

GOAL: Rich goes right wing and Johnny Haines fills the vacant gap in centre forward of which he craves. Rich “I love to dress up and wear gold make-up” Steel puts a good ball through to J. Haines and a slightly rubbish strike by him takes a lucky deflection and goes in, he’s trying to claim it but that has to go down as an own goal 7 nil.

GOAL: Johnny Haines gets onto a toe punt through ball by Luke Aryton as he makes a forward run and takes his opportunity well taking his second of the game (definitely not a his 3^rd, 2^nd goal was a deflection I’m afraid Johnny). 8 nil

Some good pressure by Smithy who wins the ball and then loses it and then wins it again and eventually gets the free kick he deserves after being floored by two Celtic players. Almost straight after Celtic try some passing and Richie attempts a tackle and takes out the full back, the “Goldust (nice C***) terrier” is on his final warning already! Those socks down his shorts are doing him no favours by the way as Groves’s kindly points out from the sidelines his package is looking huge, but he has such small hands and feet… Strange! Si ward picks up the ball dribbles it 10 yards but his frustration of not getting on the goal sheet is showing as he takes a wild swing of a shot and it goes out for a throw-in nearly taking out the old lady walking her dog. Johnny Haines fails to pass another ball with an attempted Messi-style lob, that really lacked any height, if only the centre back was 2ft 6in it would of been a great attempt. Another Loco corner and Loco’s new gaffer can’t quite get on the end of it and makes minimum contact and it goes out for a goal kick, how he’d love to get a goal right now and it looks like anyone is capable of scoring as Celtic are falling to pieces all across the sidelines. Speaking of sidelines the Celtics lineman is arguing with Olly over what the off side rule is, turns out neither of them know what it is!

GOAL: Jimmy’s dominating heading ability pays off as a good headed clearance finds its way to Mike on left wing and then to Aryton, who proceeds to take on 3 players and slots it bottom corner, his hemoriods are really starting to pay off as he’s looking really strong – sorry I meant steroids. 9 nil

GOAL: Mike goes from provider to scorer as he takes his opportunity with another through ball by Aryton and bangs it top corner, the keeper is never getting that 10 nil!!!

GOAL: With only minutes to spare Si Ward chasing down players with his new found fitness and he gets his chance, takes it past 3 players and could of possibly passed it to Johnny Haines for his hat trick but he wants a goal and rightly so as he takes it comfortably and gets his name on the score sheet, 11 nil!

FULL TIME

To summarise then a fantastic team performance from the Loco team against a poor Celtic side who never really turned up and Loco took the game to them; camping in the home side’s half virtually all game. In all honestly it could have been 15 or 20 in the end but most importantly from a defensive perspective a clean sheet. If Loco can keep up this form and with its squad of players; is it too early to be talking about silverware that looks certainly to be destined for the club? Still a lot of games to go but likely to be an exciting season and a prospect of a cup run(s) and it goes without saying were all already looking forward to Thursday’s game at home to Burns Lettings.

Man Of Match – Luke Aryton, fantastic all round game with two goals

Gimp Of Game – Olly, for not wanting to come on in case he got hurt

Written By Jim Legg